This week, I have had nothing to post about...nothing!

Did I ever share with you that I once worried that I would always long for life before Iliya came along? I think I did, at some point...but those of you who have more recently picked up our story may not realize that there was a time when felt conflicted about the changes that parenthood brought to our life. To fill you in with a very quick explanation, Nathan and I had almost a decade together before Iliya came into our family - over nine years to get very comfortable with life and being "free" to do what we wanted, when we wanted. So when Iliya came along, we could no longer do things - like make a quick run to the store without having to remember diapers and sippy cups, and snacks and naptimes and tantrums...which was an unexpected shock to my system. I had honestly thought I was prepared for all of the changes, but everything was just a lot bigger than I'd ever allowed myself to realize - plus, I tried to be a perfectionist, which was a lost battle before it even began.

The bottom line is that the change wasn't bad...I just wasn't quite as prepared for the difference in life before and after having a child. I was happy to be a mom...but in a strange way, sad for the life that was no longer so easy to live. I felt like there was a small part of me that would always have a desire for the easiness of our "old" life.

Does that make sense? I hope so...But really, that's only a quick history for what this post is truly about.

I don't think I could ever really forget those many years that Nathan and I had by ourselves - who could or would want to forget such good years altogether? But I no longer feel attached to them in a way that brings back a real nostalgic sadness for that part of our life.

You know how I know this?

Twice, recently, Iliya has been out of school while Nathan and I both have to work. Iliya could come to work with me...but guess how much work I am able to accomplish when he does? (if you guessed 0 - 5% of my work, you were correct! And the 5% only gets accomplished when he's napping :)) So, twice, we have made the decision to talk Iliya's grandparents into letting him come stay with them for a few days at a time (I say "talk them into it" with tongue in cheek, because we all know they thought for about .05 seconds - really, just long enough for their brains to process the request - before saying they would love to let him come stay at Camp Grandmom/Granddad or Nana/Papa for a few days).

Many parents don't think twice about letting their children go spend a week with grandparents or aunts and uncles. However, since Iliya has a somewhat unique history, we've had to wait and weigh our decision heavily as to whether or not we could afford to allow him to be away from us for more than a few hours.

Thankfully, we've been given a solid chunk of time with him and in that time, have been able to cultivate a very healthy attachment...and don't feel like we have to worry about him so much. And...as our IA social worker (at the IAC) told us, once he has a good, solid attachment to his parents, it's really okay to allow him the opportunity to attach to grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc. So...in the interest of keeping our jobs and allowing Iliya the opportunity to spend time with other family, we have twice asked grandparents to keep him for a few days. Since they're also sensitive to his unique history, both grandparents have been very good about keeping an eye on things that could signal that Iliya needed us.

And both times, Iliya has done very well and has had a wonderful time!

But I digress...

This week is one of those weeks that Iliya has been gone for a couple days...and boy, is it quiet in our house! Nathan and I talk, and we have had a good time, spending time together. But our house has been relatively noiseless without a certain little boy running around...and it's somewhat amazing to think that we ever lived for so long without such noise in our house. Don't get me wrong...we loved our years together without a kiddo...but it seems that we have really gotten used to life with him. And the void that is there when he's gone is almost tangible.

Without said certain little boy around, we have accomplished SO much. We moved furniture around, cleaned out & organized his endless selection of toys (but don't tell him that! :)), finished laundry/dishes, and a host of other things. But at the same time, we have found ourselves having to fill empty time, both in the mornings and evenings...we have been significantly early, anywhere we went...and we have found ourselves seriously missing the endless chatter and the "come play in MY room" requests.

And when I got the call this afternoon, from Nana, telling me that Iliya has started missing his mommy and daddy, boy, did it make me feel good & ready to get there tonight so I can scoop him up and give him a huge hug and a sloppy kiss on the cheek!

So I guess it's official. Life is good. It's a crazy ride, and I always think that times of small separation from Iliya will make me nostalgic for the days before he ever came into our family. But quite the opposite happens each time. I enjoy the short stretches of time that allow me to be "just" a wife... but as it has been said, absense makes the heart grow fonder...and I find that, after those short stretches of time, the return to being "mom" is even that much sweeter.