So I know it's Wednesday, now, but I actually wrote this yesterday. So I'm keeping the title. Here goes...

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Top ten things my child does that annoy me – and cause me to have the knee-jerk “No!” reaction:

He will...

10. Climb up & stand on furniture

9. Hit the dog

8. Pull the cat’s tail

7. Throw rocks & toys

6. Grab my phone

5. Stick things in his ears

4. Randomly flush the toilet

3. Try to touch people/grab at their clothes while we are walking through the store

2. Wiggle around when getting his diaper changed.

And the #1 thing that drives me absolutely INSANE:

1. Scream at the top of his lungs for no apparent reason


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So what does all of that have to do with antonyms?

I love English. It was one of my very favorite subjects in school (still is, actually) and I was the weirdo who actually enjoyed diagramming sentences. When it was time to decide which graduate entrance exam to take for admittance into my graduate program, I had to decide between the GRE & MAT. The GRE involves math & science…while the MAT is chock full of analogies. Right up my alley!

Along the same line, I love word games and while my vocabulary is not as large as I imagine it to be, it’s so fun to learn new ways of saying things. New words, new sentence structures…yeah, it’s all fun to me.

But I digress.

How again, you are asking, does all this tie to the top ten list? Well…let me explain.

In my “Top Ten” list, I outlined things that Iliya does that drive me nuts. And my first instinct is to shout (or calmly say – because I never shout – haha), “NO” to each of those things.

But then I ask myself…What do children learn by telling them "no"?

They learn what NOT to do. But if they are not given alternatives to what they are NOT supposed to be doing, then what do they learn TO do?

Enter the antonym (or really, the "opposite"). And the creative sentence structuring.

For each of my top ten list, I (for the rest of this post, I = Nathan & I) can tell Iliya “no.” But wouldn’t it be more helpful to him – especially in the long run – if I give him an alternative behavior to replace the undesirable behavior?

Let’s see if we can diagram this out.

Okay, so I am not 100% successful at thinking on my feet, but I'm getting better. And I will say this - each of those answers may not be the perfect thing go say. But my goal is giving an alternative to the undesired behavior.

Before you say, “I can’t do this. Children should be told no...” I have to make a disclaimer. I do think that children should be familiar with "no" or “stop” (especially for situations that involve danger). But I feel that “no” should – most of the time - be followed by an alternative, acceptable, positively worded behavior.

Maybe you think that we are too wordy. But children understand way more than what we think they do. Even if he doesn’t understand exactly what we’re saying (like if we outline a consequence – he doesn’t necessarily have the “if/then” concept down right now), he WILL one day. And if we get in the habit of explaining/using positive messages now…then it will be easier for us, than if we wait until we think he can truly understand what we say.

Let me also explain that – for the purposes of this post – I’m not necessarily talking about parents having to justify every “no” that they give. Because that brings about a whole ‘nother set of “stuff.” I know that as kids get older, they ask lots of “why” questions to “no” answers…and sometimes there may be no real answer, other than “because I’m the mommy/daddy.” (I’ll address this in a year or two, whenever we arrive at this stage. For now, I’m mostly talking about trying to get a child to stop doing something undesirable).

So there’s that. If I am being honest with you – and I always go for honesty – we say “no” a lot. Way more than we should. But we do actively try to catch ourselves and go for the positive parenting.

It’s a challenge – just like word games & trying to figure out analogies – but with much more at stake. And when the challenge is met & when I find Iliya choosing an "alternative behavior" over an "undesirable behavior"…it is oh-so-rewarding.