It's funny. Before you have children, you know your life is never going to be the same. I knew that much, going into this process. When we boarded the plane in Birmingham - headed to Russia for the second time, I knew that coming home, life would never be the same.

But BOY, is that the understatement of the year. You know it's going to be different, but you just don't know how different! And we haven't even entered "real life" yet! I am hoping that getting home will help settle me somewhat. I know that will be one of the hardest parts for Little I, but I hope that just being HOME...in our bed, surrounded by the things of our life (i.e., no longer in a cramped hotel room)...will help me feel better.

Anyway, today was much better than yesterday. I feel like we are handling Little I's tantrums/comforting a little better. He has not been able to go outside & expend much energy, because of the rain, so the past two days have been a little more claustrophobic & whiny than they might be otherwise.

Basically, the long & short of it is that I think I get in a place where I forget that this child has no language capabilities with us. He is easily frustrated - which is a combination of things - and when he throws himself on the floor, and I pick him up (to comfort), he gets worse. Perhaps the main thing I struggle with is finding the balance between comforting Iliya, and letting him know that we are here for him....and just letting him be a toddler.

Today, I've let him be a toddler more than I did yesterday. And he seems to be doing alot better. We didn't have our first meltdown till close to bedtime, when he was bored and tired. I'm encouraging him to do things a little more for himself...while still helping him when he needs it. I studied child development in college. From those studies & my work experience, I know what a "typical" toddler looks like, and how to handle things with them. While Iliya does not have the history of a "typical" toddler, he still IS a toddler. He still responds to a lot of things like any ole kid I ever had in a preschool classroom.

I used to think that it was not okay to let a PI child get upset at all…until yesterday, my mind began to change. And last night, I was trying rationalize what I used to think with what I felt like really needed to be done. It's not a perfect world out there, and I want to help Iliya cope with the real world (by allowing some natural consequences, etc). I think his past attachments give him a good foundation for this way of handling his behavior. If he had had NO attachment before we knew him, I’m sure I would handle things somewhat differently. Every child is different, and as my father-in-law said, we really will know the best way in which to handle situations with our child

Please note that this is not (at all!) to say that I don't think I should do things for Iliya (because I do), or hold him when he needs holding (and he does, often). But I think he's an intelligent little guy...and if he needs to have a toddler moment, then I am starting not to feel so bad letting him have one. The fine line is that "typical" toddlers are looking for a lot of independence from their parents...and a PI toddler needs some independence, but a lot of dependence as well. I’m working on becoming more skilled in navigating that line.

I am TOTALLY beginning to appreciate struggles distinguishing between normal 2-year old behavior & issues of a PI child.

Anyway, that is the most rational way I can explain my bad night last night...like I said, tonight Iliya didn't have a really bad moment until right before bed. And I think that was a combination of tireness, boredom, and the fact that I was trying to pack & couldn't give him enough attention. So I'm hoping and praying that things will continue to look up.

I know this has become boring talk for a lot of people...and I apologize. It helps for me to talk it out, as I have talked things out in the past year. I may not hit everything on target - but hopefully, as I learn what works for us, it will help someone else, somewhere else.

I love my child. We are just going through such new things right now, and we are all learning. We can't expect overnight perfection and happiness, but we can know that things will get better with time. I really appreciate all your comments & emails from the last post (filled with words of encouragement). It means so much to know that so many people are thinking about us & encouraging us. We love you all dearly.
-------------

In other news, we got Little I's passport today (after a huge power outtage caused us to worry that it might not get done today) & we visited the doctor (a very nice lady) to take care of his medical exam & paperwork for the Embassy in Moscow. He was not thrilled about the doctor, because we had to partially undress him, and he did not like that one bit. But we made it through...and are ready to fly out tomorrow at 1:30. I cannot believe this time has come!

Really quick, before I try to get in bed, here are a few pictures that I promised you. Click on them to make them bigger:

He had me put his socks & shoes on his hands

Talking on the "phone" (camera charger)

On our way to the doctor

He put all of his toys in this duffel and was dragging it around