Bear with me...this is going to be long. At times, you may be wondering where I am going with all this, but I promise you, I have a destination!!

--------------------------------------------------

I’ve been having a difficult time with this reaccreditation wait. And some of it is just because of other things going on – things that could be affected by the timing of our adoption, and vice versa. School, work, vehicle troubles, etc. You know, LIFE. And I do not deal with the “unknown” very well. If I have general ideas of how things are going to work out, then I am usually okay, but when I don’t, that is when I get antsy. I begin to worry and the worry causes me to stress…and the worry/stress combination leads to a kind of fear of the unknown.

I am a member of a Military Spouses message board – I have "virtually" known these girls for several years now, and have met several of them IRL. They are some of my best friends. We’ve been through a lot together, and we talk/post to each other on a regular basis – about military stuff and non-military stuff. Yesterday, it seemed that everyone had something(s) negative going on…or really, I guess we all just needed to unload. And one of my friends started a “why is life like this?” thread – to which we all posted our complaint for the day/week. (YES, I am going somewhere with this!!)

Basically, my post included the following things:

1. My schooling – and the time (what time?!) that will be required for me to write a thesis...in between work & adoption & everything else.

2. Nathan’s acceptance into a Master’s program in Criminal Justice @ Faulkner University (wonderful news!! It just happened at a crazy time!!)

3. The topic of how hard weight loss is for me

4. My beloved car of almost 6 years seems to be slowly dying of some disease that no one can diagnose.

5. The bit of negative equity we have in said car – which makes a trade-in impossible (or at the very least, unadvisable) at this moment in time

6. Money/Savings

7. Adoption/Reaccreditation woes

8. General military complaints

Unfortunately, I had the longest post and was in tears by the time I finished it. I really DISLIKE complaining. I 100% DISLIKE being a dramatic person. But I guess sometimes everything piles on at once and even my dislikes don’t keep me from complaining and blowing everything out of proportion.

--------------------------------------------------

So…where does the topic of “JOY” fit into all of this??

--------------------------------------------------

Well…I've begun going to our ladies' class at church on Wednesday nights, and we are doing a "combined" study on the book of Philippians and Charles Swindoll's book, Laugh Again. And the central theme to both of these is experiencing joy in everything. In happy times, it is SO easy to be joyful…but in those times that are STRESSFUL or not so happy, the joy is not as easily experienced (at least for me!)

Anyway, back to our study. Last night was the second class and I can't tell you how much I need this class.... We are talking about joy being a conscious decision, and how to let God take care of those things in life that cause us to worry, stress, and fear. Through the course of last night's session, we discussed the fact that WE hold the power to be joyful in everything. Joy is a choice – and if we have confidence that God will take care of us (even in those times that we think are not so great), then the choice is much easier to make!

I really hate to admit this, but I have let things pile up on me. I talk to Nathan about things that bother me, and that helps TREMENDOUSLY, but even he doesn't have all the answers! The bottom line is that I don’t think I have allowed myself to have enough confidence in God lately. It’s not that I don’t trust Him…but right now, it is so easy to want to control situations and fix everything myself……and when I come up short, I begin to worry. When the worrying begins, then all else seems to be lost.

I guess all of that is something we all need to hear - but I feel like this ladies' class is custom-designed with ME in mind. **I'm sure that's not by accident!** I went into the class last night feeling very cold and.......emotionally drained, for lack of better description. And I left with a little spark of happiness that has since ignited and I’m feeling myself being filled with more and more thankfulness and more and more joy.

And to be perfectly honest, Nathan and I truly have nothing to complain about. We really are so blessed. Yesterday, before class, my list of things seemed so BIG and important. I was feeling overwhelmed and unhappy with all the stress I was feeling.

But now, I look at this list and realize that it really is all inconsequential…and what am I doing??? I am complaining about things that either come from - or result in - GOOD!!

So instead of worrying…why don’t we all take time to turn things around? Let's look at our so-called problems, and see the GOOD in them. Here is my NEW list:

1. My Eduation: I have a wonderful job that has an education benefit. If not for this, I would not have been able to even pursue my Master’s degree! I still don’t know where I am going to find the time to write a thesis, but I have a great group of supporters who will HELP me!

2. Nathan’s acceptance into a Master’s program in Criminal Justice @ Faulkner University. WOW! How can I even complain about this?? It is something that he has wanted so much, and he is going to do GREAT!!!

3. Weight Loss: Thank God I have food to eat and a gym in which to exercise. Yes, weight loss is a struggle. But it could SO be the other way around, if I lived in another part of the world.

4. Car problems: Well, I’m still not sure about the car situation. Except that my car still runs – even though no one can figure out what is wrong with it, it still gets me to work & back home! Imagine how much longer my trip to work/home would be if I had to ride a bicycle?? (of course, if that were the case, then maybe #3 wouldn't be such a problem - oh well!)

5. Negative Equity: I am thankful that we have learned our lesson with the negative equity thing. We made one of those “young & stupid” mistakes when we were newly married and wanting another car. And I will tell you, we have learned from that mistake. I don't know what we'll do if our car really does have to "go"...but that's where the confidence in God comes in...right??

6. Money/Savings: I am thankful that we both have good enough jobs, and low enough bills that we can put money back every few weeks. And I have faith that we will continue to be able to save.

7. Adoption: Things are in the works with reaccreditation! Our baby is somewhere, waiting for us! God knows where he (or she?) is and when all of this will happen. If not for adoption, we may not have the opportunity to have children!

8. Military Complaints: Thank God for the military. They keep our country safe. Also, on a personal note, Nathan’s Drill check is an extra source of income for us. He also has an education benefit – which paid for any of his undergrad student loans and will allow for him to get his Master’s degree. **edited to add that I was talking to a friend at work, and she brought to my attention something ELSE to be thankful for: the military has facilitated MANY wonderful friendships - so if it weren't for the military, then Nathan & I might not know a lot of the great people we know!!! Thanks, Kel, for helping me see that! :)

See? Nothing is as bad as it seems on the surface. I really just need to sit back and put more effort in to being thankful. Don’t we all??