Melissa, I can feel for you for sure on Nathan being gone. You know children can feel our own sadness and we haven't even known we were exibiting any signs of lonelyness. I'm sure that dinner and the evening chore's are quite different from what Iliya is use to. You are correct that little children do not have concept of time. He just knows his daddy is gone and thing's are different and he expect's daddy every day to come home. He doesn't know what days are you are counting off the calendar or any thing like we do. You are doing a good job just hang in there it want be long now Nathan will be home and he can take over the chores of baths, brushing teeth; etc. again.

If you tell the truth you would have just loved to have sat down and cried your eyes out with Iliya. I believe it does releave stress sometimes, but give's you a headache and sore eyes.

Babs has kept us abreast of Nathan. I'm glad he is coming home very soon.

Love,
Carolyn
from Sunny Florida

Melissa,
What a wonderful way to express your feelings and treat the situation. When I read your blog, I think back to that inquisitive teenager in high school that wanted to know everything there was to know about someone's (how should I say this without leaving anything out) soul. Maybe now with more knowledge and experiece you and your husband you handle things with a whole new light. But I caught a glimpse of that caring, nurturing and concerned Melissa I grew soooo fond of in school. You're a terrific Mother and no doubt Nathan is a terrific dad! You're doing great.

Suggestion if you don't mind hearing it: a friend of mind has been suffering with sort of the same thing. Her little girl has acted out as well. Last deployment, her husband had made 90 days worth of 'goood morning sunshine' videos. All completely different. Not really fibbing to his child b/c where he would be and what he would be doing was the truth but maybe you could roll that over in your wonderful brain and see if the next time that might help. Like I said just a suggestion. That little girl, thought the world of that tape. And still watches it when he's just out for a few days.
Love ya,
April

I have a post request! It might sound boring or silly but I know how your mind turns so think of this. Remember our high school years and college years?
How are you different today? What have you learned about life in general. About your parents now that you're a parent. You know stuff like that.love ya Ape

The inconsolable fit rings so familiar! There are times, though not often, that our little guy has almost the exact same kind of meltdown.

Redirection, when it works, is a magical thing. I'm trying to get better at that but Dede is quite good at it. Honestly, we're kinda the reverse, with Dede usually being the calming voice of reason to my short-fused tendencies. But maybe this is why we've worked so well as a couple for so long - balance.

Anyway, I feel your anguish. It's tough enough doing this as a couple, so I can only imagine how difficult it'd be to handle solo. I hope things even out as you wait for Nathan.

Hi Melissa! I can't even imagine how difficult these past 5 weeks have been. Brian travels for work sometimes but the longest he's been gone at a time is 4 days. And I must admit even during those 4 days it is quite difficult and I totally admire a single parent who does it all the time! The scene you described with the DVD and bedtime had been played at our house many times....not often, but especially when Nathan was 3 years old he did that about once a month. Ugh, not fun! I hope you have a great week this week!

Poor, sweet baby! I know it's only days now and things are better. Would it help to have a picture of Daddy and Nathan at school? Maybe one of Daddy's tee-shirts to snuggle with at nap time?

There are Elmo videos (free on iTunes) about parents coming back from deployment, too...but I bet you've already found those!

Hang in there!

Sorry to hear that Iliya is having a hard time with Nathan's absence. How amazing that he was able to release his emotions through his tears. I'm glad he had a better week once he was able to cry about him missing his Daddy.

Poor little guy. You will be in my thoughts and prayers!

We've had those types of meltdowns as well. It's certainly NOT fun...
Maybe you could put a pic of the 3 of you together on a key chain and let him take it to school. Just a suggestion. BEST of luck, you're doing an amazing job and I'm so glad your hubby will be home soon.

Melissa, I follow your blog thru another friend of mine and have prayed many times for your family. My heart ached for you and your son while reading your blog. I have to tell you that I believe that you did everything right, letting your little guy express his hurt buy crying was great. I have been a Nanny for many many years, and I recall one time when I was Nannying a young lady, she was in the 5th grade at the time, her parents were divorced and her mother took on a new job as a flight attend. So suddenly her world changed in a big way...I was there with her day and night, and to the outward eye, she was adjusting just fine to the changes...then one day, something as small as moving a desk in her room just a few inches caused her to melt down in a way that you would have had to have been there to understand...lots of yelling, slamming doors, throwing things, and LOTS AND LOTS of tears....her mother was home for this event, and her mother did just want you were tempted to do, she became angry and demanded that the child "just stop it", I stood back for almost an hour watching this take place, then stepped in...I took the child into my arms, lowered her to the ground, and sat there, just as you did, holding and rocking this inconsolable child in my arms...it took her a bit longer, almost an hour to calm down, then she expressed her fears to her mother, told her how much she hurt with her daddy being gone and how scared she was that her mommy would not come home one day. She also wrote a "thank you" note to me the next day, and told me how safe she felt when I took her in my arms and just held her. So, all that being said, you did a great thing for your little man.

I will pray that whatever time is left before your husband comes home goes easy for both you and your son.

Hi, sweet friend,

When I started back to work 3 evenings a week a few weeks ago, Owen started pushing me away when it was time for me to put him to bed, telling me to go to work, and then crying if he thought I was going to leave him. It was so hard and so frustrating, I had one night I just cried and cried as I wondered how we could have gone about this differently. I hadn't been away from him in months, and he was having the hardest time dealing with it, even just 2 hours a day 3 or 4 days a week.

It sounds like you did a wonderful job preparing Iliya and talking with him while Nathan has been gone. I am glad to hear, as hard as I know it was for you, that Iliya finally let those tears flow. It does feel so good after we've held everything in for so long just to cry and cry, you know? I'm glad things have gotten better since then.

I hope the transition back to having Nathan at home goes very well. I know you can't wait!! :O)

Hugs,
Adrienne

Sounds like you did a great job. Its tough on both the parent and child when the other parent is gone. Andres travels about 60% of the time for work...but is usually only gone for 5 days at most. Its hard!

Does Iliya count? Can he count the days until Nathan comes home? Mateo loves to count so we do that and also use a days of the week calendar at school to talk about the week. Of course its easier when the number of days is small.

thank you for writing this post....i for one have learned what to expect should we ever have children in our home.

i'll be praying for your family during the remainder of your separation, and as Iliya adjust to having daddy around again.

Nathan, thank you for sacrificing SOOOOO very much for our country. i thank God for ALL of our military folks that sacrifice sooo much. thank you to mommy and son for giving of your husband and daddy. if only we lived in a perfect world.