If you have been reading for a while, you know that when there is anything to talk about - good or bad - I come here to post. I am a writer at heart, and guess I have been for most of my life. When I was a child, if I needed to talk about something, I didn't generally go talk to my parents about it. Instead I wrote about it. My mom probably still has a collection of notes from me through the years - she has her favorite notes that she still reminds me of, to this day...and not much has changed about me in 20 years.

I love the written word, especially when it pertains to a person's thoughts, feelings, and/or communications with another person. One can recall a spoken conversation - but over time, memory fades, and the neat thing about the written word is that there's nothing like being able to go back and actually read the heart of a person in a particular moment.

When I first started this blog, I wondered how 'public' I would be, with my thoughts and feelings. We decided to start a blog, to keep people informed. The idea was to post if something happened in our adoption process - it was primarily informative for family and friends (since we have so many all over the place) - I saw it as a daily/weekly "Christmas card update" of sorts.

Then, one day, I randomly came across Elle's site...I read a lot and later emailed her, asking about how to get my blog looking so neat. She was WAY more helpful to me than I ever deserved - she didn't know me from anyone; yet, was always so thoughtful and kind. Through her, I was introduced to the idea of a blogroll....and I've made some neat friends! Also, I learned more about the REALITY of the adoption process...that, even though you want it to be, it is not always a pretty picture of sunsets and roses...and that it is okay to be honest and write about your experiences (about adoption and life in general) and that a blog can be whatever it needs to be.

All of that was a wonderful revelation to me. I've always liked the concept of journaling, but if I don't MAKE myself do it, then - more often than not - it doesn't get done. If I know I've got a small readership, then I know people are expecting updates and new thoughts. Every day, I wake up, not knowing what the day's blogpost will be, or IF there will be a blogpost for that day. But I do know it is here, when I need it. So my blog has become a journal...over time, I made the transition from posting strictly informational things...to talking more about our (mostly my) feelings on the process....to talking about other things, too.

As it turns out, I've been WAY more public than I ever thought I would be...and it's great because I've had several people tell me that they have appreciated the detail and candidness of my thoughts. To know that I've helped someone means a lot to me. But even more than that, for me, blogging has become an extremely cathartic thing. Back to my age old feeling. If something is bothering me - or if I've got something exciting to say, I don't have to keep it bottled up! My daily - or every-other-daily - therapy is to come here and write!

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So with that, I say that I feel like I've been complaining a LOT lately. I know, there are people who will say that this is a time of frustration, and I have every right to complain. In (huge) part, I believe that's true...but I don't want to become the type person I try to avoid - one who is not thankful for the blessings in life and one who never has positive things to say. I try to keep myself in check - and for every negative thing that I say, my goal is to balance it with something good.

I'm probably saying all of that for my benefit - to remind myself of the type person I want to be. One who IS thankful and who IS joyful!

And with THAT, I just want to tell you thank you SO much for your thoughts, emails, and prayers about my Wednesday post! I won't go into the amount of worrying I do...I've posted about it many times. You really would think that I would just stop it already, but it's one of my human faults, I guess. Something that will be a lifelong struggle for me.

But I can tell that I think God may have put a 'teacher' angel in charge of working extra hard to help me learn the lesson of letting go of my worry.

Why do I say this?

The situation with our updated homestudy was cleared up - a call was put in to a very kind lady from the state DHR. This lady understood the necessity of expediting our (re)clearances... I overnighted the paperwork to her, and she took care of it herself. She even called me when she received the paperwork, to tell me she had gotten it...and to let me know that she would see to it that everything was done in a timely manner.

We should have ALL of our dossier updates in our hands - and on our way to Montgomery by Tuesday. This is HUGE, considering that we were concerned about being set back by a few weeks.

So what does this all mean?? I have been given yet another opportunity to learn a lesson about "letting go." And maybe that's another great thing about this blog. I "let go" on the blog...and almost immediately after I write about a worry, it is no longer in my head alone. This, in and of itself, helps to keep me sane. But not only do I give my thoughts to you, the reader, to do whatever you will with them...but I think it's also a form of giving a situation over to God to let him "do His thing" with it.

And, as evidenced on my blog ...again and again... what things He can do!